Rescue

 

I have to admit, I am totally drained sitting here writing this. Ryan is in Haiti on a mission trip, which means I am flying solo. Honestly, him being gone hasn't been as taxing as I anticipated. The moments I feel his absence the most are during our nighttime routine. Trying to cook dinner, feed my 4 little ones, bathe them, and get them in bed all by myself is wearing me out! I am physically and emotionally pooped. However, overall,being here for 5 days alone is going pretty smooth I truly do not know how women who have husband's that travel frequently do it! I am so proud of the work Ryan is doing in Haiti, and I would love to write all about it, but I want to save that for him to post about when he gets home. I will say that what he has seen there has been quite overwhelming. There is so much need, and not nearly enough aide....in every aspect. I'm sure he feels like it's almost not even worth trying because it is such a hopeless situation. Do you ever feel that way? I feel that way when I think about human trafficking and when I think about orphans. There is such a need, there is no way to "fix" the problem, so is it worth even trying? How can I possibly make a difference? When I get consumed with these thoughts, the Lord reminds me that He is not calling me to "fix" the whole problem. He doesn't expect us to go out there and eliminate all the hurt and suffering in this world, because our world is sinful. There is evil in this world, and there always will be. What the Lord DOES expect me to do is do what I can....which is to TRY. I must try to help the needy, broken, and poor in whatever way He is calling me. Deuteronomy 15:11 says, "For there will never cease to be poor in the land. Therefore I command you, "You shall open wide your hand to your brother, to the needy and to the poor"'. When I become overwhelmed with thoughts of hopelessness, I remind myself to focus on one person, one piece of the giant puzzle, and do my best to help that one person. If I can help even one needy person, then it is worth it.


In church this morning, we sang a song called Rescue by Jared Anderson. It is such a beautiful song, that was just what I needed. Here are some of the lyrics:

You are the source of life
I can't be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of You

I need You Jesus to come to my rescue
Where else can I go?
There's no other name by which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You

My heart is yours for life
I need your hand in mine
No one else will do
I put my trust You

What a wonderful reminder. No matter how hopeless a situation or problem is, we can call on the name of Jesus and He will not leave us alone. This past week, I was thinking about our adoption, and how I am so thankful He has called us to adopt. At the same time, I was thinking about all of the orphans that will still be out there, and how I'm dreading going to the orphanage and seeing all the children that will be left behind. I was also thinking about all the Haitian people that Ryan is coming into contact with, and how they have so many needs that will probably never be met. There just aren't enough people out there that are willing to care for the orphans and the needy.  As I was thinking these thoughts, a children's song that my girls sing at church kept playing over and over in my head, " My God is so big, so strong and so mighty,There's nothing my God cannot do". I was reminded that not even a year ago, I would not have thought that Ryan would go on his first mission trip, and that we would be in the process of adopting a teenager from Ukraine! These things are happening because of God. And if He can choose to use people like us, then He can certainly use other people that currently have no thoughts of reaching out to the needy, poor, broken, and orphaned. We aren't responsible for changing the world, we are just responsible for doing our share...whatever that may be.



Parents

It will be 2 weeks ago tomorrow that we decided to adopt our daughter. Before we started this process, I would often wonder when I would feel like a parent to my adopted child. I thought that it might not be an immediate feeling, but one that would take time to develop as our attachment grew. When we made our decision to adopt A 2 weeks ago, I then wondered how she would feel about us. Being a teenager, and having real, tangible memories of her birth parents, I thought that it might take months, or even years for her to accept Ryan and me as her parents. I am thrilled to say, I was wrong:)

 

 

Early this morning, 3 am to be exact, Ryan and I spoke with our 5th daughter for the first time. It was truly a life changing moment, and one that we will both remember for the rest of our lives. We got the go ahead to communicate with A  from our placement agency this past week. We then got her phone number from her bff. Thursday night I sent A a text messege using google translate and told her that when she had someone nearby that could translate for us, to please send me a text, and I would call back. At 2 am last night, A sent me a message saying that a local girl was there that could translate. Unfortunately, I was sleeping and did not get the text until an hour later, when my Laise woke up wanting her paci. I glanced at my phone to see what time it was, and saw a text from A. My heart was pounding out of my chest!! I hurriedly sent her back a text asking if she was still near her english speaking friend...and she was! I made Ryan quickly get out of bed, and we placed the call.

 

 

Our conversation was short and sweet. A was a bit nervous and shy, as you can imagine. She was worried that we did not have time to adopt her before she turns 16 in a few short months. I assured her that we working as quickly as we can to get the paperwork filed. The highlight of the conversation was when someone walked by and she said "I'm talking to my parents". Thinking about that one line brings tears to my eyes. Any worries I had about her accepting us as her parents, or wanting to be adopted into a family that she did not even know exitsted a week ago, immediately washed away. It made me think of our Heavenly Father, and the overwhelming joy He must feel each time one of His children call him Father for the first time.  1 John 3:1 states, "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!"I can see more clearly how God feels about His children from going through the adoption process. With my biological children, there was no question that I would love them and treasure them from day one. They were my babies, no choice was made. I have loved them dearly from the moment they were conceived. The difference with A is that there is a choice. There is a choice for us as parents, and her as our child to love each other and to accept each other as family. Just as God lavishes His children with love once they choose to accept Him, we as adoptive parents have a choice to love, support, protect, nurture, and guide our daughter. She, in turn, has the choice to accept our love, support, protection, nurturing, and guidance, and to love us in return. Ryan and I whole heartedly embrace our choice to lavish A with our love, just as God lavishes us. After hearing her call us her parents this morning, I think she has made the choice to accept our love. And that is a remarkable feeling, undescribable feeling!


As for where we are in our adoption process....we have submitted all of our home study paperwork, and are currently waiting for our background checks to come back in order to conduct our home study. In the meantime, our placement agency is working on our dossier to have it ready to go when the home study is complete.


I want to end this post with a poem that I found this week, that sums up my feelings on our precious daughter.

Not Flesh of my Flesh

by Fleur Conkling Heyliger

Not flesh of my flesh
nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You did not grow under my heart,
But in it.



The Beginning

I have been thinking lately about beginnings. There are some events in your life that have a definite beginning...being born, your first day of school, your wedding day. These are all events that you can pinpoint and say, "that was the beginning of....". Other events don't have a definite beginning. I have been trying to figure out when "the beginning"' of this particular journey was. I honestly can't figure it out. Looking over the events of the past few months, and even years, I would have to say that the foundation was being laid for this. Pieces of a puzzle I didn't know was being created were starting to fit together.

 

 Becoming a Mommy was definitely the first piece. I ADORE being a mother. I love having 4 little girls that rely on me, look up to me, play with me, and shower me with hugs and kisses each and every day. I can honestly say that I was born to be a mother! It is a tough job. Not every day is sunshine and roses, but I would not trade it for ANYTHING! I am so thankful to be able to stay home with my girls, and nothing warms my heart more than one of them tells me sweetly "Mommy, you are the best Mommy ever".

 

Another piece of this puzzle would have to be the ever growing faith that Ryan and I have in our Savior. Over the past couple of years, Ryan and I have both grown much more mature in our walks with the Lord. I can honestly say that HE is truly at the center of our lives, and we look to Him and Him only when making big decision. Ryan has been taking an intense bible study course "Master Life" since September, and the changes in him because of it, are remarkable. Don't get me wrong, my husband has always been an amazing man, but I can't put into words how much he amazes now because of all he is learning through Master Life.

 

This very week last year we purchased our house. While 3,100 sq feet sounds tiny to some, this house felt huge to us. We struggled at times with buyer's guilt...do we really need this much space? There are so many people in the world who are homeless, without any shelter. We finally came to the conclusion that the Lord provided us with this house so that we could use it to glorify Him. In what way, we didnt' know, but we knew that somehow, some way, we would be welcoming people into this house to further His Kingdom. Another puzzle piece.

 

Fast forward to this past summer. I was HUGELY pregnant with baby girl #4,  and I participated in a small group that read "Kisses from Katie", by Katie Davis. If you haven't' read this book, I HIGHLY reccommend it. It is truly an amazing book that will change your life. Take it from me:) "Kisses from Katie"' is the true story of a teenager from Nashville that moves to Africa, works in an orphanage, and eventually starts her own charity Amazima Ministries, all while adopting 13 daughters! Now, when I read that, I did not feel called to pack up and move to a 3rd world country.  I did feel a stirring that I needed to help take care of orphans, though. In what way, I still did not know. I prayed that the Lord would make clear His plans for me. Yet another piece to our puzzle.

 

After the birth of our 4th daughter in July, we knew that she would be our last biological child. If it were up to me, I would keep having babies for the rest of my life! Logically, I knew that we needed to be done. I also knew that if we were ever going to adopt, we needed to be done birthing babies:) The discussion of adopting starting creeping in to more and more conversations between Ryan and me. I often thought about it, and knew that if/when we did, it would not be a baby. I thought that we would adopt an older child, because most people want babies, and I wanted to adopt a child that not many people "wanted". I actually thought that we would pursue adopting siblings. One silly thought I had was, " what are we going to do about names? Our 4 girls all have names that start with A, and the odds of us adopting a daughter(s) with a name that starts with A is not very high". Silly, I know, but it is a thought that I kept having. Knowing that we we would not have any more babies, I started selling a few of our baby items....not without a few tears. This was one more piece to our puzzle.

 

Another piece.....this past November I heard about a family (through my sister in law) that was adopting their teenaged daughter from Ukraine. I was in awe of their story, and it really captivated my interest.  I thought that it was so amazing that they were adopting a 16 year old....and they definitely had some struggles in getting her home! I wondered if I could ever do something like that. With 4 young daughters, I wondered what it would be like to adopt a teenager...so many questions and concerns to think about.

 

Then in January, I became aware of a local charity called P.A.T.H. that assists victims of sex trafficking by providing shelter, medical needs, and training to get them back on thier feet and on solid ground to re-enter society. The statistics on human trafficking are mind boggling. Volunteering with a charity that involves victims of the sex trade is not "comfortable". It is ugly, dirty, and certainly not something this preacher's daughter ever thought I would get involved in!

That being said, I felt the Lord leading me to volunteer with P.A.T.H. I attended a week-end training, and am now serving on a committee with my sister to help raise awareness through going out in the community and posting fliers, handing out toiletry bags to women in the sex industry, etc. This volunteer work will not be "fun" but there is such a need. The bible verse found in Matthew (9:37) hits home for me " The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few". I feel that the Lord is wanting to use me to help spread the word about sex trafficking in Arkansas, and to try to help these victims, even if it is just one.

 

Now, on to the final piece of the puzzle that started us on this leg of our journey! The same family that I mentioned earlier that adopted their daughter from Ukraine, posted about their daughter's best friend. Her best friend was still in the orphanage in Ukraine, and has until the end of June of this year to find her forever family. If she doesn't, she will be turned out onto the streets with no where to go, no family, no money, no nothing. When I read about her, I knew right then that this sweet girl was ours. It doesn't sound rational, it doesn't make sense, and you know what? That's ok. I don't think the Lord promises to always work in logical ways that makes sense to everyone. When I first emailed "R" to find out more info about this sweet girl, she wrote these words: She turns 16 in early summer and will be ineligible to continue any education there. Basically she'll be on her own. There is a staggering suicide rate among these kids; many of the girls turn to prostitution or are victims of human trafficking. When I read those words, I immediately froze and started crying. I could NOT let this precious child be turned out onto the streets to face the horrors that I had just learned about in my training session with P.A.T.H.  I knew that this one child was meant to be spared, to know what a family looks like, to have hope for a future, to be loved. I didn't know how we would ever make this adoption happen, but then I realized, WE wouldn't. God would.

 

Over the next 48 hours or so, as Ryan and I prayed over our decision and questioning if we were doing the right thing by pursuing this adoption, the Lord kept speaking Isaiah 30:21 to me, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

Then, in my daily "Purpose Driven Life" reading, I read this excerpt: Obedience unlocks God's power. God waits for you to act first. Don't wait to feel powerful or confident. Move ahead in your weakness, doing the right thing in spite of your fears and feelings. This is how you cooperate with the Holy Spirit, and how your character develops".

 Well, that squashed any second guessing we were doing:) And you know what else? Her name starts with A!!! You can't convince me that God did not overlook this tiny little detail.

 

We are so excited to be on this journey, and to share it with you. This blog will be used not only to keep up with adoption happenings, but also to share some of our everyday happenings as well. Our daughters are so amazing, and I personally think they do something "noteworthy" every single day, so I look forward to sharing those as well. Tomorrow, I plan to post on what all has happened since we made our decision to adopt TEN DAYS AGO!! You might not think much has happened since then, but trust me, this type A personality has gotten a lot accomplished;) Please be in prayer for us as we navigate this unknown territory of adoption. While we know it is God's will, we fully expect to be faced with trials and tests, and we will need all the prayer warriors we can get lifting us up!